Flu

I know, I know, I haven't written in a dogs age..... I have had no get up and go, no joie de vive, nothing... because I have had the flu for something like three weeks now. Today I feel fine... I start to feel better and BLAM, then I am run down and fluish again. What a roller coaster. Well, it's been a roller coaster that has mostly been going downwards. Did I mention? When I get sick I get incredibly depressed and insane and forgetful and I really kind of go out of my mind. Life starts to look dreary to no end and I start wondering... "what's the point?". I literally have to keep reminding myself "this is just the flu, this is just the flu". But this has been a rough one. I have tried to keep working through it, as I only just started working again in August after a 6 month sabbatical. So I have been trying to stay functioning while having the flu and it has been a losing game. It is my belief that when you are sick, you really should just stop what you are doing and listen to your body saying "get me to bed right now". But I have ignored that this time and have paid a huge price.

I also, while having the flu, had a very disappointing run in with a long time friend. Two weeks into the flu, trying to work, and also mentally and spiritually preparing for the upcoming holidays that bring a rash of remembrances with them. This is not only my first holiday season since my father and Kevin died but both death anniversaries are also imbedded right before and right after the holiday season. So, considering all this, I have been experiencing a big depression. Every day has been an effort to hang onto life and my sanity. My future seems clouded by these feelings I am having in the present. I keep thinking that I am just going to feel like this for the rest of my life. I have to keep telling myself this will not last forever.

I have been able to travel to North Carolina to spend Thanksgiving with my sister, brother in law, niece and nephew. Thank God. If I had been forced to spend this holiday alone I would have given up. And I thought I was going to have to stay home due to finances AND health. But I refused to let my flu, and friends with agendas get me down. I packed up and got in my car and headed South. I spent two days on the road driving and now find myself in the company of people who care and maybe this holiday won't suck as bad as I thought it would!

So, my apologies for the long gaps, and sounding down in the dumps, and I hope that you all are going to have a great holiday. What are you doing this Thanksgiving? Spending it with a new lover? Your old husband? Your quacky family? Are you travelling to a far off exotic place? Or maybe heading to some place like Buffalo New York? Feel free to share..... I have always found holidays a challenge. Last year I spent it in bed with the flu while Kevin cooked a huge meal for just myself and him, and a friend of his who happened to be a lonely heart...... turned out to be no friend of mine though. But that's a story for another day.